Here is a well known secret of employers – They don’t pay you what you’re worth.  They pay you what they can afford.  However, they don’t even question you or test you on your intelligence level, work level, or any other tangibles/intangibles you may have, they just say “We’ll start you off with 7.25 an hour and give you a raise every three months”.  Being the mentally poisoned person you are, you immediately nod to the offer, despite having a Bachelor’s Degree AND a Master’s Degree to your credit.

Yeah yeah, I know what you’re saying – At least it’s fuckin’ money!  To keep a roof over your head, keep food on the table, and to support your family.  But think about this – if you were a Harvard or Yales graduate, do you think your IQ would tell you to flip burgers at McDonald’s?  Hell no.  You have pride.  You have an ego.  Stand up for your damn self and don’t settle for less.  And hey, if you had a work ethic that was through the roof and you were willing to bust your ass to succeed, do you think you would be at Wal-Mart ringing up a cash register?  I don’t think so.  You would go out and find BETTER ways to make money.

Here’s a tip for you guys – On the section of the application that says “Expected Hourly Rate”, put what you are worth an hour.  When the employer starts to question you about it, tell him/her why you put that, and if he/she refuses to pay you that kind of money, walk out of the interview immediately.  Biggy said so.

Now, here is the phrase that is worth more than what any bullshit employer can offer you: If it doesn’t work for me, it won’t work for you.  Chase the pipe dream.  Live the pipe nightmare.

For instance, if you are an aspiring musician, especially in something like rap/hip hop, there is no way your pride and your ego would let you dress up in a suit and tie.  It does not fit your style.  Your style is jerseys, sweaters, jeans, and sneakers.  Not dress shirts, ties, khakis, and dress shoes.  If your style of music is country, you wear cowboy hats, overalls, and boots, not some stupid purple McDonald’s shirt, black slacks, and slip resistant shoes.

Uniforms have also been made a rule in these damn jobs.  If you don’t dress the right way, you either get sent home to do so or you get disclipined.  It isn’t like I’m coming to work naked!  And no one here is going to give a rat’s ass about the way I dress, but rather the way I work.  I just grow tired of the monotony of uniforms.  They suck ass.

Sorry that was so short, but the next time you’re dressing up to go to work, look in the mirror and say this: If it doesn’t work for me, it won’t work for you.  Chase the pipe dream.  Live the pipe nightmare.

Seriously, I HATE these with a passion.  Whether you have to fill them out online or using the good ol’ paper and pen, applications bite.  And filling these jokers out is so monotonous and frustrating.  You know the routine here: Fill out your name, address, phone number, and SSN.  Answer U.S. eligibility questions and criminal record questions.  Enter availability info.  Enter school info.  Enter past employment history (my weak point).  Then enter references.  Sign and date at the bottom, turn it in, and hope for the best.

I mean, it seriously bites.  First off, filling out applications sometimes is a total waste of time.  Especially when you have a trillion and one other applications you have to compete with.  Some of them never get looked at.  I remember calling out to places I applied at and ask “Hello, have the applications been reviewed yet?” And I got mostly the same answer: “Yes, we’re just calling people in for interviews.” And after I hear that, I know that I wasted my time on that place because I never get called in.

Secondly, I REALLY hate applications that ask for too damn much!  For one, school information isn’t relevant because upon first glance at you (when you ask for an application), the manager or whoever should tell that you’re NOT a braindead moron!  I also hate those apps that make you take some stupid surveys on your personality, with all this “Strongly Agree” and “Strongly Disagree” bullshit.  References aren’t needed because to my knowledge, employers rarely call references.  The bare application should be this: Name, Address, and Phone Number.  Then Availability Info (Just check Day or Night on each day and not all that time BS).  Then Employment History.  That’s it.  Nothing else.  The whole app should fit on one page, just the front.

Seriously, I could wipe a gorilla’s ass with applications, then hand it to those employers to show them that they asked for too much.  Or to at least make my application stand out from the rest.  Oh yes, applications blow.  But if you can get past this point, there is the next step….

And while you’re filling out your next application, think about this: If it doesn’t work for me, it won’t work for you.  Chase the pipe dream.  Live the pipe nightmare.

The only reason to go to a job fair is if you have experience at a position.  Like, YEARS, not MONTHS.  If you can incessantly push that point across, not to mention the awards and recognition that you have, you have the best shot.  But with little to no experience?  You’d have a better chance of lifting an elephant with one arm than getting that job.  So DON’T waste your time with job fairs.  You’d be better off going to a place where they are not doing a mass hiring.  One where they need just a few people and not a million people.

Always remember: If it doesn’t work for me, it won’t work for you.  Chase the pipe dream.  Live the pipe nightmare.